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This is Sam (L-287) our local mailman. If your mailman resembles our Sam, it's time you admit that you live too far out in the “sticks”, your local roads had a rough winter, or maybe it's time you talk to someone about fixing up your driveway. (It's that time of year.) Sam is a very well done “Mailman”, hosted on a nice 1919 Buffalo nickel. He is complete and ready for anything, with his neckerchief, bedroll, gun, mail pouch, and a fine tow rope. ~ April 2009 
This is “Monk” (L-286) the new bouncer at our local municipal dispensery of exotic and mind altering liquids (including Beer). “Monk” was hired when the “Muni” re-opened after the “Finn” boys had their super St.Urho's Day bash. I have yet to hear anyone say anything about monkeys uncle, even if that's where his nickname came from. We can live with the few “What's in the top of your family tree?” comments.
You will usually find “The Monk” standing somewhere between the Baileys Irish Cream and the Silver Satin white port, that way he can intimidate the entire establishment with just one wry smile. Needless to say the party place has become very hum-drum. No fights in the hallway, or men's room, and most everybody is going home with his own mama, or at least “going home with the one what brought ya.” The “Finn” boy's are just waiting to get “Monk” in a party mood, in fact, the whole county including the Sheriff's office and Hiway Patrol are waiting for that party also. ~ April 2009
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Meet “Toivo Saari” (L-252). Before the weather turns too cold, or the snow gets too deep Toivo has decided to head out on his yearly "work as you go south", vacation, but before leaving, he has stopped-by his local clothing supplier, to pick up a new chapeau. Toivo has learned to modify his wardrobe each year from the "pumpkin patch". If you leave a hat when you take a hat, or leave a coat when you take a coat, people don't seem to mind, or maybe they don't notice. As you can see Toivo has acquired a pretty spiffy looking wardrobe with this formula. Our traveler will be headed for Orlando to look up a few friends, and with his love for oranges and sunshine will probably spend the winter as he says "dodging alligators." Toivo is well carved and detailed on a nice 1935 host coin. He and his size 7 1/2 are ready to travel. ~ November 2007
This is “Taavi Hiaamakki” our local Finnish pig farmer. Taavi ran an add in our Upper Popple River Gazette, which read “I have gone out of the pig business, and will now be doing cosmetic, as well as neurosurgery, on a full time basis, out of my home.” Taavi always bragged that he could make you into anything you wanted to be, maybe George Bush, or even Mrs. George Bush. He said you are only limited by your imagination, as he has saved every one of the DVD's from his correspondence course, and as soon as he gets his computer back from the repair shop (they promised Tuesday,) all this know-how will be at his finger tips. He is also planning on branching out into the artifical intellegence field next month, if the new DVD's get here by then and the old Dell magic box keeps on working. Taavi's wife Taimi's only comment was “I sure going to miss sloppin dem hogs.” Our new doctor's likeness is hosted on a fine 1935 Buffalo Nickel, as well as the back page of the Gazette. ~ June 2006
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If you peeked and said Don Quixote, you lose. Meet “Panner” who arrived in the United States from Norway just in time to head for California as a 49'er. “Panner”, who really looked the role of a miner, had a big dislike for both water and dirt so he was destined to receive his share of the western bonanza by acquiring two bars and a brothel, or maybe it was two brothels and a bar. We will never know how much of the bonanza Panner received, as all of his profits were funneled into his offshore accounts along with the profits from his “We Deliver Lutefisk and Lefse” restaurants, still being run by his Mother in the old country. Panner's beautiful textured shirt was made by his Mother, and he wears it most every day, knowing, if mom comes in, she will recognize the shirt even if she doesn't recognize him. Our well carved miner and his full horn 1930 host, having seen enough of their El Dorado, have decided it is time to look for a more permanent home in a nice collection. ~ April 2006
Just in time for Saint Pat's Day we have a carving of an Irishman. “Angus” Guinness to be exact. Angus is a Leprechaun, and a business agent for “Shoes for Elves International of Galway.” I don't know if you realize that all Leprechauns are cobblers for elves (shoemakers). The catch being that they only make one shoe, (this must be in their contract) and Angus will not tell us if it is the right or left shoe, he won’t even give us a hint. He is just as quiet about his pot of gold. (to be used for his ransom only) A quiet a man who always has a smile on his face. I believe the grin is because of things he knows, that we don’t. Although, we have heard that at times the “little people” like to get into their alcoholic brews, and that may be the time to talk to him about these things. Angus is a very nice, very well done Leprechaun on a great AU host coin, and best of all, he is up for adoption. Luckily, you do not have to be Irish to adopt a Leprechaun. ~ March 2006
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This is my first self portrait. Before someone else made an unflattering carving of me, I felt I should beat them to the punch with something that would put Gable or Redford to shame. I put in my contact lenses, my teeth, “all four of them“, found an almost clean “T“ shirt and my favorite hat, “can't get much better than that“ I tried to show all of my good points while trying to hide the bad ones, including the one on my head. If you're wondering about that more than sincere smile, that came after I checked my mail box and found my fall issue of BoTales had arrived “boy, everything's going my way today!“ I really hope some nice lady out there will take a liking to this “work of art“ as my mother does not have room for any more “works of art.“ This carving is very well done, on a very nice host coin, if there is still a question in your mind, you could ask my Mom. ~ October 2005
Yes, this is “Yucca“... our eagle want to be. Yucca has always wanted to be an eagle, ever since he learned to soar. He felt he could do most anything an eagle could, and now he has a chance to do much more. It has been brought to our attention that several western states will be placing (in the Desert) road information signs bearing the likeness of Yucca, to mark the exact mid-point between gasoline and service stations. We have also been advised that if Yucca is shown with a roll of toilet paper hanging from his neck, he will be marking exact centers between rest stops (open ones only.) Yucca will long be remembered and appreciated by the traveling public. Name me one eagle who has done as much. Here is your chance to have a Yucca without stealing a sign. ~ July 2005
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If you guessed “Farquar” the magic dragon you are absolutely correct, but don't lean too hard on the magic. Any dragon worth his salt can fly and breathe fire, there's no magic there, and the same for living forever. “Far” is entire clan lived for centuries unbothered in Lock Ness; then one evening someone snapped a photo of his cousin Agnes “Nessie” skinny dipping. Then oh boy, you'd think she was cute or something the way people started running around with cameras, trying to get a photo of anything that looked like a dragon. They couldn't tell Nessie from granny. The clan learned to live with it, but when they brought in that “sonar”, well that was something else! Far figured it could make you sterile, so that's when he moved to Lake Champlain in New York. A real fun place, with the best soft serve ice cream in the world. You probably didn't realize it, but dragons invented soft serve ice cream, Yes, in the early eleventh century there were a lot of knights and dragons doing battle, and after breathing fire all day, the dragons enjoyed the fizzing noise and the way it numbed their pallets as they ate it (all they had was vanilla.) Far is looking for a new abode, maybe a little further South and West with nice people in a warmer climate, he's not real wild about being frozen-in and being cut off from his soft serve all winter. If you know someone who is looking for a dragon, whether it be as a pet or a companion, it really doesn't matter; please let them know Farquar is available. ~ July 2005
If you guessed “BULLWINKLE”, you are correct. Even for a Yukon Moose, he is huge (pushing 74"); he not only dwarfs his Canadian neighbors, but his own kind as well. “A real chunk!” Not the kind of animal you would take for eating, unless you had an awful lot of chili mix that you needed burger for. Pack this out, across a swamp, no thanks!! Healthy looking, with a belly and a beautiful rack, he is impressive; this Bullwinkle is in a class by himself. Going moose hunting? This is a great place to start, a super carving of a fantastic animal, on a great coin, and remember, that recipe for “Jellied Moose Nose” will work just as well next year. ~ November 2003
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In most cases I have no problem identifying the boys from the girls. “In most cases”... but at times even the most highly trained persons with years of experience may doubt their own judgments. In the case of “Bobbie,” my childhood sweetheart, and one of the prettiest girls in my school (a very small school, where a lot of girls over six foot just aren't considered attractive.) You must remember that even though she held down a full time job as foreman of the Hog Kill Line at our local packing plant, she still went on to get degrees in Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy. It was nice to know that if you brought your sick puppy to Bobbie, would get it back (one way or another.)
I don't know why it's always at this time of year (Halloween) that I think of her and her (through no fault of her own) extremely ugly sister. “They were twins you know.” Bobbie was the cute one, if you ever saw them together you would know what I mean. I believe it was when she did her impersonations of Dracula or the Hulk that the word chromosomes entered your mind, but now with all the tests back we know where to take our puppies and send our Valentines. ~ October 26, 2003
Alas, the love of my life has forsaken me for a life of Pea Fowl hunting in the Kansa Territories. She said she felt it better this way, as the meat of these birds, as-well-as their mounted remains could be sold at a roadside stands, and she knew of an intersection where everyone seemed to meet. “I believe the seven plus inches of snow we received may have pushed the matter along.” She didn't seem to care 'What Brown Could Do For Her,' and decided to give the U.S.Postal people a try. I really wanted to, and probably will still, use a picture of her on a card with the caption “YOU WANT HOW MUCH FOR P&H?” ~ October 30, 2003
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This is “Myrtle”, a lady in every sense of the word. Our lady is smiling, as she has just won the “Belle of the Beach” award in Hawaii. She never felt she had a chance to win this award, as it has never been awarded to a Tortoise, especially one whose father had relocated from the Galapagos Islands many years ago. If we had time, our lady would dance for you, but we do not. Our Belle is hosted on a beautiful 1937 BU coin, “which is only fitting.” Our congratulations to Myrtle. ~ July 2003
Say hello to “Thor”... the world famous long distance runner from the Galapagos Islands. On the obverse we see Thor putting on his favorite “run faster, jump higher” Nikes, and on the reverse we have Jack, the young challenger who is warming up. At the age of 106 the years have slowed Thor somewhat, but for what he lacks in speed, he more than makes up for in heart. He is not concerned “it will be a fine race and we shall persevere.” While I am not a betting man, I would not count the old guy out, in fact, I am already looking forward to a sequel to the Tortoise and the Hare fable. This whole thing is taking place on a beautiful 1938 D host coin. Postscript: Tortoise A.K.A. Turtle that can't swim. ~ June 2003
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This is “Loren”, who doesn't look it, but is one of nicest, easiest going bear I know. He is from B.C., but works as a pepper spray tester in Alberta. Not the greatest job, but it has it's good points, but I just can't think of any right now. Loren, who collects used aerosol cans will sit for hours after work, with tears running down his cheeks and tell you what a great day he had. He did apply for a job in a breakfast food commercial, (dragging a tent away from a camp site), but he didn't get the part and they wouldn't tell him why, but we believe it was because of the big hairless spot on his behind, left from when he tried out for the Nair hair removal commercial, which he didn't get either. His lifes' ambition has been to play professional football for the Chicago Bears. I had to tell him that it would never happen. He just wasn't good enough. He has his own helmet and is just waiting for someone, anyone, to send him in. If you know anyone who will give a good, but not great, football player a tryout, please let us know. Our handcarved ball player is hosted on a 1936 au Buffalo Nickel, and fills it rather well. ~ November 2002
My name is “Jasper” and this carving is of my Mom and me. I am very big for a Grizzly of my age, but Mom is the bigger bear. My Mom is very smart and is teaching me everything I will need to know when I go out on my own, which I am looking forward to. I asked Mom what happened to the buffalo, whose place we took, and all she would say is “When you get older.” She did tell me about how the Park Service tells the hikers who go into bear country to wear bells, blow whistles, and carry pepper spray. She went on to explain the difference in bear dungs. The Black Bear's contains seeds, grasses, and small animal fur, while the Grizzlies' contains bells, whistles, and smells of pepper spray. Boy I can't wait to get older! ~ June 2002
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last updated:
Thursday, April 30, 2009
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