The Man Who Wouldn’t Give Up

Chapter 1: My New Home

I was born on July 9, 1960, at St. Mary's hospital in Detroit Lakes. When I was born, I weighed 5 pounds, 1 ounce. I could not breath for 11 minutes, because the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck. I did not know this until I was researching for the book. Sometime in the early years of my life I was moved to a home for handicapped children in Roseau, Minnesota. There were about 12 kids living there. The house was big and there were about three beds rooms, and all of the rooms were upstairs. My room was at the end of the hall.

May, the homeowner and our caretaker had her room upstairs so when one of us would start crying she would hear us. Before starting this home May cared for foster kids.

May was a real nice lady she seemed to be like a Mom to us. She made it seem like a home and we were like a big happy family.

At that time there were no homes for kids like us. Most of the time handicapped children were put in a state hospital because the community did not know how to take of us. We did not get to go to school nor were there any day program for us, and no one would give us a job because they did not think that we could work well.

My room was on the end of the hall and the crib that I had was right by the door so I could hear when someone came up the stairs or went down. The door to the stairs was kept closed so we could not get out and fall down the stairs. I was afraid of the door because I thought I was going to fall down the stairs.

We also had a room that was called the playroom and there was also a TV in the room, and in the day we would get to go in the room and play. Sometime when the TV was on there was a man that would come every day and give the news of the day and there would be daytime show that would come on and some of the workers would watch it as they were in the room watching us. 

There was a big sink and that was where they gave us a bath and I was afraid of taking a bath because I thought that I would get soap in my eyes, but the worker that gave me a bath told me that they would make sure that no soap would get in my eyes.

There was a lady that worked at the home she was very nice. She was the first worker that took me home with her overnight and that night she put me in a crib by her bed so if I would start to cry she would hear me. There anther little boy that this lady really liked she would hold and rock him. She would talk him and she would do thing for him she was like a mother to him. A fire whistle blew whenever there was a fire. It would also blow at noon and at midnight. I did not like it because the noise scared me and I did not like the sound of it. 

Once, when May was at the post office, she saw a lady that she knew. They were neighbors and May asked if she would come and work for her. The lady said that she didn't know if she could do the kind of work that was needed at the home but she would come and help for two weeks. She continued working after the two weeks were up and when she felt sad, she would come and hold me. Later, when I learned to talk, I started calling her, "Mom".

A lot of the workers had a favorite kid and they would want to take care for them. They played with them and they would sometime buy things for them. I was mom's favorite and kid they would sometimes say that I was Mom's baby. Mom would take me out on excursion and take me home with her. 

There was a light that stayed on all the time in the hallway. I was afraid of the dark and sometimes the light burned out. They played church programs on the radio every morning. I remember hearing the song, "The Old Rugged Cross".

I heard people talk about God and some of the workers would tell me about this God. It would scare me because I thought that if God got mad at me that he might come down and get me. I also heard that God was so big and that scared me to because I did not know what he would do to me if he ever came after me. Some of the workers told me that God loved me and he would help me. I was little at the time so I didn't quite understand. 

One summer day, the staff had clothes drying on the line when it started to rain. A lady walking by stopped to help get the clothes down and May asked her in for coffee. This lady's name was Jane and she later she would came to work at the home. One day Jane brought the kids from her Bible class to the home to see us. Some of the parents became angry because in those days people didn't understand about us. They didn't realize that we were no different from the other kids.

A man named Bill worked as a bookkeeper for May. They became friends and eventually married. They started talking about building a bigger home for us. It took all winter to build the home and in the spring of 1966, we moved in. They had an open house for the public Bill loved to bake so he baked all the goodies for the Open house.

When you entered the new home there was a lobby, and from there was hallway. There was a west and an east wing with six bedrooms. Three were on the west wing one in the middle, and two on the east wing. There were two big playrooms, one upstairs and one in the basement, and a laundry room. When we got up in the morning we would go in the playroom. The kitchen was in the middle of the hallway, and the room where we would get out baths was across from the kitchen. 

Once when I was still little, May and Mom took me to a doctor for a check -up. He said that I would never grow up but the next year they took me back and he was surprised to see that I got bigger and starting learning to talk. At that time most of us were in cribs because we were still little and they were afraid that we might fall out of bed or not stay in bed. When the staff came to work in the morning, each of them had a room full of kids for whom they were responsible. Breakfast was at 7:00 a.m., and then they would start work and go until 5:00 p.m. The evening staff would work until 9:00 p.m. The night shift would work all night. 

I had about eight roommates. Some of us were in cribs and some in beds. I was in a crib because I was little.

Every night before bedtime we would get a snack. Most of the time we would get a cookie and a drink. Sometimes when they gave me a snack, I was laughing and I would make a mess and the worker would get mad because they would have to clean me up. After we were done, the night worker would turn off the TV and the light. 

As I got older, I was in the room where the bigger kids were. I had about ten roommates with the cribs lined up against the walls. In the evening we would talk. There was a little room in the lobby where they had a radio and a record player. There were speakers in every room. Sometimes they would have the radio on in the evening. At Christmas they would play Christmas music.

One boy that was in my room was very big. His name was Mick and his bed was by the door of our room. He was in bed most of the time because he was so heavy but the staff did get him up sometimes and put him in his wheel chair. He had a toy that would make bubbles when you put water in it. Sometimes, when the staff went for supper break, one of the kids would take the toy and put water in it. They would give it back and he would make bubbles. When I would get into trouble, he would sometimes tell the staff on me.

There was one time he started to cry when the staff moved him around. They asked what was wrong and he said that his arm hurt. They took him to the hospital where they found his arm was broken. A few days later when he came home, he had a cast on and some of the people would sign their name on it. 

In the summertime, we would not wear shoes or socks. On the nice days we would be out in the playground, and would be there most of the day. Then at night, we would come back in and get cleaned up have supper and go to bed. The cook who was nice I would also call Mom. She did double duty and she swept and mopped the floor in our room because we did not have a cleaning lady. May would strip and wax the floors occasionally.

On days when the doctor came to and check us we would have to stay in our rooms because they would have to need the playroom for the doctor to work in.

The room next to mine was where the big kids were and some of them would break things. They broke the TV in their room and they put holes in the ceiling and even broke a door. When I was in bed, I could hear them fighting. One boy would hit the door and slam it. 

I loved watch the cook work and at times they would let me go to the other wing Mom where worked. One day, on my way to see Mom, I went in the staff washroom, got a pail of water and put soap in it and washed the table. When I took the pail back to get clean water Bill came in the door. He was angry and asked in a loud voice, "Who is taking care of Pedie?" Then the staff came and took me to my room and put me to bed. I got up for supper and then they put me back to bed again.

There was a girl at the home name Jo. She was very messy and the worker had to clean her up often. One time we were getting ready for bed and she was missing. They were looking for her all over. I was looking though the hallway at the back door waiting to be put to be, when it opened and Jo came crawling in. She could not walk and when she got inside she was punished for disappearing. 

Mom worked with the babies and sometimes she worked the night shift. In the morning, she would come and get me up and dress me. Then we would go into the playroom for most of the day. A gate was used as a door to keep us in the playroom so we couldn't go into the hall and fall down the stairs.

Some evenings, a lady came and did exercises. She would have me walk between the parallel bars. She noticed that I sat the wrong way, so she told the worker that if they saw me sitting that way, they were to tell me to sit up straight.

One night, after Mom was done working in the other wing, she came to our wing. I got up and went to talk to her, but she told me that she could not talk to me at that time. I got mad and tipped a pan of water all over and then she got mad at me. She took me to my room, got dry pajamas on me, and put me back to bed. The next day I got in trouble with the day worker.

The staff would call me "big ears" because when I heard them talking, I would repeat what they had said and even tell on them. At times, they would not know I was there when they were talking and I would hear everything they said. When Mom was working, I would tell her what I heard and when the workers found out, I would get in trouble.

I didn't like showers. I was afraid of them. Once one of the staff took me in the room where the tub was and gave me a shower. It took three people to help her. I think they were mad at me and I fought them all the way. I was so scared with soap in my eyes and by the people holding me down that I was glad when they finished and put me to bed.

A lady named Mrs. Rob came into the home to teach school. Mrs. Rob said that she had no experience working with the handicapped but she had just completed a training course at summer school. She started the school in 1966 in the big playroom with all new school furniture. We went to school from 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 pm. The first year we worked on basic skills. In the morning, we had opening exercises and then Mrs. Rob would read us a story. Next we had health, where we learned to be potty trained and to brush our teeth.

In gym we learned how to roll over and turn somersaults on a mat. Some of the kids learned to walk on the balancing beam, and we learned how to bounce balls.

In our music class, another teacher would come and play the piano and we would sing. It was fun. We would have a favorite song that we would ask her to play and we would sing along. We had language classes where we learned to talk and Mrs. Rob would read us a story. We also learned how to be polite. We had to say "please" and "thank you" and we learned table manners. If we did not say "please" we did not get our treat. We had playtime when we could play with toys and move around and do other things.

One day there was a man that came in to build a wall between the classroom and the laundry room. I was afraid that they were going to trap me in the basement. They told me that they would make a door.

The second year we got an aide. Her name was Mrs. Henry and she had a mongoloid boy. Mrs. Rob has a small ruler that she would use on us when we were bad. She would slap our hands, but not hard. It would just sting a little bit.

One day I wrote a letter to Mom with the help of Mrs. Rob and here are some of the things I said: "Dear Mommy, Why don't you write? How is my baby brother? What did you do today? The other night I had a nightmare, I dreamt about my family was killed but I woke up and realized that it was only a dream." Mrs. Rob told me that maybe I could go home with them, but I never got to go.

At mealtime the staff would bring the food to the playroom. On the other end they would feed the kids in their rooms.

One day, when Mom was working, I asked if I could go home with her. She asked May if she could take me home with her overnight the answer was "yes". That night the worker did not put me to bed. When Mom was done working, one of the staff gave us a ride to her house. I thought that I was so big! When it was time for bed, I could not go to sleep, and kept talking to Mom. She kept telling me to go to sleep and finally, I did. In the morning, I had to go back because Mom had to work. I was angry and had a fit because I didn't want to go back.

Our home was by a river, and one spring the river flooded. The water got into the basement and they had to take the clothes to the Laundromat and it was a big job.

A new baby girl moved into the home. At first her mom and dad would come to visit her. It wasn't too long after that her mom did not come, but her dad did. One of the workers started going with him and I got to know him. Then one day, the baby died. I'm not sure why the baby died, but I think she was sick.

The baby's father would come every morning and bring milk to the home. One day, they told me that he and the worker were going to get married. I was told that if someone would take me, I could go to the wedding, but I didn't get to go. Once, when Mom was working all night, she moved my bed into the hallway. I stayed up most of the night and thought that I was really big. In the morning before the staff came to work, she moved the bed back to my room.

The house was always clean, and it was run like a home and we felt May and Bill gave us a good home at that time, we did not get much money from the state, but May would use her own money to get things for us. Some people said that May and Bill were only in it for the money, but I saw first-hand that was not true. Every Christmas May would go uptown and buy pajamas for us. If it was not for May and Bill, I could not do half the things I am able to do now. I thank God for May and Bill.

We did not get away from the home a lot. Sometimes I would get to go because I went with Mom. One spring day Mrs. Rob said that she would take us for walks, but we would have to take turns. Each morning she would take one of us. Mrs. Henry would go along and she would take someone too. Some of us could walk, but most of us were in wheel chairs. The day I went, we met her husband. It was fun.

Once, we all got the flu and some of us had to stay in bed. All we had to eat was toast and milk. Another time the furnace went out. It was so cold in the building they put some little heaters in most of the rooms. We had to stay in bed so we wouldn't get sick.

One boy had to wear braces. He would get mad and cry when they put the braces on him. Sometimes he would do that in school, and Mrs. Rob would get mad at him and tell him to quit or she would really give him something to cry about.
Almost every afternoon just before school ended, we would have story time, sometimes Mrs. Rob had a board that she would put pictures on and she would tell the story that way too. 

One night I got really sick and had a fever. I was up all night and the next morning they took me to the hospital where I was in a room by myself. I was afraid, but Mom would come and see me and she would rock me. I didn't like it when the nurse came in to give me a shot or to take my blood. 

Sometime the staff would have a party at night. When they did, we would play in our room during the day because they were getting the playroom ready for the party. Some of the staff didn't like it because sometime mom would come and get me up and take me to the party.

There was a little boy that would bite people whenever he was mad or excited. One time when the boy was biting, Mom found out about it and she told him that if he did not quit biting people she would take him to the dentist and have all his teeth pulled out "No", the boy said. "O.K," Mom said, "but quit biting people." 

Everyday before we went up to our floor, we would lie down and rest. One day the power went out, and then when school was down for the day we went upstairs and the stairs were dark and we were afraid. 

One Easter we had a party and Mrs. Rob told us we could dress up and have an Easter parade in the hall if we were good, so we were. May used her movie camera and made a movie of us.

Once or twice a year we would have day when our Mom and Dad would come. That was a big day for us. We would get dressed up and they would do the big cleaning. May and Bill would make cookies and cake and it seemed like the all kids' Moms and Dads would come, but not my parents. Every time that day would come, I waiting hoping maybe this would be the time that my Mom and Dad would come, but they did not come. I felt like they did not love me and I was mad at God because he could make them come but he didn't Sometimes I would get mad at others because I thought that something was wrong with me and that was why they would not come and see me. But then sometimes I would get to visit with some other kid's Moms and Dads and that was nice, but I could not quit thinking that something was wrong with me.

Mom would do the sewing for the home and sometimes in the evening when everyone was in bed I would get to go down and talk to Mom as she was sewing and sometimes she would bring me something to eat. Mom would sew all of the diapers for the home. There was another lady that worked in the laundry and sometimes Mom would come and get me and we would go to the bakery and Mom would buy something and we would go to this lady's house and visit her. 

There was a boy at the home that was in school. Well, one day Mrs. Rob said that this boy would get to go to the big city school and we all thought it was a big thing. One day he was going to move to a new home and so they had a going away party for him and we all told him good luck and hoped he liked his new home.

On the west end is where the babies were and the kids that could not get up out of bed. There was a worker that was in charge of each room and when they were working they would only work in that room and there was some other worker that would go around to rooms and help who every needed help. 

Sometimes in the evening I would get to go down to the laundry, and watch the worker in the laundry. I thought it was really exciting to watch them run the big machines. I would sometimes have a dream where someone who was putting me in a washer.

There also was a rocking chair in the room and sometimes Mom would take me down in the room and rock me and talk to me. Sometimes when Mom was working she would let me go in the room when the others were in bed. I would sit in the rocking chair and watch TV and sometimes she would get me something to eat.

One of the girls in that room would get a piece of toast before breakfast because she has some "meds" that she had to take and the only way that she would take them was with toast. In the other room there was a little girl that was blind and they had to keep her away from the other kids because if she got by one of them she might bite ' them to get out.

Every morning the worker would turn on the TV in that room and the kids would watch Popeye and other cartoons. On that wing, the kids would be fed in their beds because there were too many kids to take them to the other room and feed them. At that time we did not have a dining room.

In the room, where the there were, we had a couple of babies with big heads. We called them "water-heads". The one baby's head was as big as a watermelon and it took two people to turn her. She also had a big bump on her back. I was not supposed to go in the room, but one day I did. `I went and pulled myself up to her crib and I reached in and touched her bumps and she started to cry. I got out of there as fast as I could because I thought that if May would catch me that I would get into trouble. One day her head got so big that it exploded and she drown in her own water and there was water all over. We were sad because she was a good baby.

In the middle of the hallway there was this little room that was called the baby room and they had a little boy in there that was paralyzed from the waist down, but he could talk and May and Bill really liked him. His name was Jimmy and he had a baby buggy that they would put him in. When May would come up to talk to him she would ask whose baby was he and he would say, "I'm May and Bill's baby". Jimmy could also sing and they taught him to sing the Lord's Prayer and he could sing other songs. One night when Jimmy got real sick and had a high fever. May stayed at the home and took care of him and she was there all night. The next day was Mother's Day and Jimmy's real Mom and Dad sent her a big bouquet of flowers. 

I would like to thank God for giving me a home and for putting May and Bill in my life so they could take care of me and give me a good home.

One time I had a rash on my legs. I don't remember what it was, but I had to be given a bath twice a day and I had to my leg wrapped up. I had to stay in bed until I got better.

One night When Mom was working. They took her to the hospital and I was real scared. I started to cry and the staff said that she would be okay May would call up there for me to find out how Mom was. Later on I was told that Mom was going back home and I was so happy.

Every morning we had oatmeal for breakfast the one that worked the night shift to make a big pot full. It had to feed a lot of kids.


Chapter 2: Our New School

One day they started to build a new addition, a big one with two floors. It was a lot of fun to watch the construction. When we were in school we would talk about the new school they were building for us. When I school, was out I would sit by the kitchen and watch. Later, Mom took us into the new part. There were a lot of new things to see. One night I could not sleep because I was thinking about the new part. I wondered if they had a shower. I was still afraid of the shower and wondered what the new one would be like. One day I heard that the new part was ready to move into and we were all excited about moving in. We were going to have a hallway and other rooms and we would have a playroom.

One day after school we went back to our rooms upstairs. The worker said that some of us could move in. So some of us slept out in the playroom that night and later some of us got to move into the new part.

The first morning that I was in the new room something new for appeared. They got me up and I got dressed and then I went out in the hall and looked down at the ramp. It scared me because there wasn't a ramp in the old part. I was also wondering if I was going to see Mom as much as I had. Our floor was the first one that got to move into the new part. A couple of days later, the third floor got to move. They had to bring those kids down on our floor to give them a shower. Saturday was the day that we got our showers and we would stay in bed until the kids from the third floor were done. There was one girl that lived on the third floor she could walk but she crawled around. She would scream a lot and cry and the worker had to tell her to quit screaming.

We were told that we could not go down the ramp we had to stay on our own floor. At first, we went to the old basement to school because the new school was not ready yet. We would talk about what it was going to be like in our new school. When we went to the new school I looked to see if they had done anything to that old school room. And I started to miss it and in some ways I wanted to move back in that room.

When we got to school. We were so excited about our new home that's all we wanted to talk about. The teacher told us we could talk about it when it was time but we had to get our work done. The new school seemed so big. Mrs. Rob and Mrs. Henry took us to our new school. The classroom was a lot bigger and we were told that we couldn't go out of the room unless we asked. At noontime we would have to go back to our floor, so Mrs. Rob and Mrs. Henry could go home for lunch. At one o'clock we could go back to school.

When we were not in school, we stayed on our own floor, and play there. There were a lot of kids that lived on each floor we had 10 to l5 on our floor. Sometimes in the summer, the worker would take us for a walk.

After we moved into the new part, a couple came in to paint the walls. I got to know them well. One night when we were in bed, I could hear them painting the ramp. My crib was by the door so I could see whoever came up to our floor.

There was one Christmas; when a Santa Claus movie was on at the Movie Theater. Mrs. Rob said that if May said we could go on Saturday she and Mrs. Henry would take the class to the movie. We had popcorn and pop and had a good time.

A new girl came into the home. She was a big girl and was real helpful. She would help the staff make beds and clean. When she was helping make beds one day, she fell down and the staff came over to see what was wrong. They went and got May and Mom. After that, the girl was never the same. She could not walk or talk and she was always in bed. She was sick a lot and she soon died.

Some of the kids would rip up paper and books, and they would stick it in the heaters and most of the time the heater would be full of paper. Some of the kids would fight, and there were some that would bite. One day when we were out in the playground, one of the kids got mad and he came after me and he put his arms around my neck and he would not let go and it was hard to breathe. It took two workers to pull him off of me.

There was a little girl name Mary that lived at the home. May's brother, Joe would come help out at the home sometimes Mary needed to wear a helmet on her head because she had seizures fall and hit her head she would sometimes wander off and they would have to look for her and they would always found her. Whenever she would see Joe, she would run to him and he would pick her up and he would sometimes give her candy.

One very nice day we were in school and Mrs. Rob told us that we could go out to the playground early so we did. Our playground was in the back and it was by a river. When it was time to go inside it was also suppertime, so as we were going in they had a pail of water and soap and they would wash our hands and face. Then we went up to our floor and got ready for supper. As we were eating supper, the ones that were working were counting everyone to make sure that everyone was back. As they were counting, they could not find Mary anywhere and they looked all over. They called the other floor and they looked all over, but no one could find her. After they put us to bed, they started looking everywhere. We were all scared. They put it on the radio to ask the public that if they saw her to call the police station. I thought that the whole world was coming apart. Then Mrs. Henry came into our room and said that everything would be okay and she had us say the Lord's Prayer. She told us to go to sleep. After she left, I prayed and asked God to find Mary. I really didn't know if God would listen to me. I thought God was this big God and if you ever got Him mad at you that you had better look out because He would get you. I had made God mad and I was wondering if Mary did something that made Him mad at her.

The next day when I woke up, one of the workers was standing in my room looking out the window. I asked her if they found Mary and she said no. Later on that day, I found out that they found her floating down the river. They said that she must have fallen in. I was told sometimes things like that happen. The day of the funeral was real sad day for all of us.

We got new beds and it was a big day for us. It took most of the day to get the old cribs out and put the new beds in. It felt different to sleep in a bed instead of a crib.

There was a girl that was in our class. She knew how to draw and make pictures and sometimes Mrs. Rob would have her draw a picture and she would put them on the wall. There also was a roommate of mine that also could draw pictures I would have him draw a picture and we would put it up in our room.

At Christmas time, Mrs. Rob would bring a fake fireplace and she would put it in the hall and we would hang our Christmas stockings up. At the end of the day during rest time we would lie down on rugs and listen to Christmas music. Mrs. Henry took me home with her for Christmas once. 

There was one girl that was in our class and she would always get into trouble and Mrs. Rob would always get after her. One thing she did was wet her pants and Mrs. Rob would always get mad at her.

Mrs. Henry got married and I asked her if she was going to have a baby and she said no that she had kids already. Mrs. Henry was real good to us. She helped me learn to walk. She had a handicapped boy and would talk about him to me.

One night when Mom was working, I asked if I could go home with her and she was told that I could. I had a hard time waiting. I stayed in my room and I lay on the floor with my head outside the door so if someone came I could get up and in bed before they caught me because I was supposed to be in bed. When Mom got off work, one of the other workers gave us a ride home and when we got there, I thought that I was big. Mom gave me something to eat and we went to bed. In the morning, Mom got me dressed and we had breakfast. Then I played.

Mom had a tall box and I would pretend that I was a news reporter and that I was telling the news. She also had a long ruler and she had an old stove. Once I stuck the ruler in the stove and tried to get it to burn. She caught me and got mad and took the ruler away. She told me that if I ever did that again, I could never go home with her any more I asked her not to tell May and she said okay.

When it was time to go back to the home, Mom gave me a hug and a kiss and told me to be a good boy and told me that I could go again someday.

There was one night we were in bed and the staff was downstairs on their supper break. I asked Sam if he would help me get something in school that I wanted. When I asked him he said no but I told him that I needed him and when I got mad at him he changed his mind. We wanted to go get it and be back before the staff came back we wouldn't get into trouble. So we went out of our room and we went down and when we got down to the school, the door was locked so we could not get in. On the way back up to our room, I thought that I heard someone coming. My heart was beating frantically as I thought of the trouble we might be in. What would they do to us? We got back to our room before anyone came and we never told anyone about our escapade.

There was a big girl in the home who asked people if they would give her a penny. When we were out in the playground she would stand by the gate and ask people to give her a penny and some people would. The staff would try to get her to stop this but when they were not looking, she would start again.

One night when the staff was on their supper break and we were all supposed to be in bed, I went up to the third floor. I went into her room and open her closet. I wanted to get her pennies but they were too high up and I could not reach she was saying no, but she could - was locked in her bed. Most of all the kids were locked in their beds so they could not get out. So I went down to my room before anyone would catch me.

One day they put a gate on top of the ramp. There were some kids in wheelchairs some of the other kids would push them down the ramp and sometime they got hurt. It also kept us on our own floor.

There was this worker that was going to high school. I liked her and I thought that I could get by with stuff. When she was on supper break I made a mess in my pants and I got it all over the wall, the bed, and myself. When she got back she was so mad at me. It took over an hour to get me cleaned up. I told her that I was sorry and she told me to never do that again.  

Mom spoiled me and she would give me things that the others did not have. There was some of the staff that did not like that Mom gave me things.

There was a couple of night workers that I thought didn't like me real well because sometimes when they came up to my room to give messages they would tell me to cover my head so they did not have to look at me. When they did that, I was afraid that if I made noise that they would come over and hit me.

In the evening after supper, one thing the staff would do was to change diapers. There were a lot of kids that wore diapers and then they would have to go to every room and change the kids that needed changing. Sometimes they would get me up to watch TV.

When Mom was working the night shift, I would sometimes get up and go down in the dining room and I would talk to her. She would give me something to eat. I could tell that some of the staff did not like it that I was up and the other kids were in bed but they never said anything to Mom.

There was a camp that was called Camp Sunshine. In the summer some of the kids from the home were allowed to go but they had no money. There was a group in Roseau called the ARC and they helped people with any kind of handicap get to camp. Some of the staff at the home was members of ARC. They had a fundraiser for scholarships. May had to go uptown to buy the kids things that they would need for camp A school bus took them to camp. I did not get to go that year because there was not enough room. The next year I got to go and we stayed for a week. It was the first time that I was away from home. We did a lot of things. In the morning after getting dressed we would line up by the mess hall and sing the table grace then go in and eat. The camp director gave us the morning schedule. We had arts and crafts, nature hike, and games. After lunch it was rest time. When we got up, we would go swimming. We also had canteen time where we could buy candy and other goodies. We were given money so we could buy things. 

In the evening, we would have an activity. We a campfire and a sing along and once we did had a game night. One year on the last night, they had a coronation and I was chosen to be the king. The day that we had to go back home was sad because we had so much fun. Some of the kids started to cry as they said goodbye to the new friends they had made.

Because there were so many kids in the home, all of us had to eat on our own floor. We had some big tables in the day room. When it was time to eat one of the workers would get the food cart. All of us would sit at the table, and the staff would serve us.

Our playground was in the back and I could see the sewing room window. When it was open I knew that Mom was working. I would ask if I could go down and talk to her and sometimes I could. One day we were out in the playground and Mom called the home and said that she was going to take me out to her daughter's place. Took me in and gave me a shower and got me all cleaned up. Then Mom and her daughter came and took me out to their farm. Mom's grandson had a picture in his room and he also had a motorbike that he showed me and I had a good time and daughter gave me a haircut.

There were some wheelchairs by our room and sometimes we would take it into our room and turn the chair on its side. Then we would take turns getting on the wheel and someone would spin us around. Sometimes when I got on I would get sick.
At Easter time Mrs. Rob brought a rabbit and kept it on her desk. She put candy in a basket and told us that the candy belonged to [Peter rabbit]. She told us that we could not take the candy and that when Easter came Peter would share with us.

Mrs. Rob told me that the owners did not want the kids to go out in public. I find that hard to believe because May and Bill did let us go out when there was someone who could take us.

One time when we were in bed, one of the workers thought she smelled smoke, so they went and checked it out. There was no fire, but if there had been we could have gotten everyone out in time.

One of the workers I liked took me to church. It was the first time that I ever went to mass. She said we would go on a date and soon after that we went to a movie. Everyone seemed to like her. One day she got a call that her grandma died and she cried. She went home for a while and when she came back and I had told her I was sorry for her loss.

Some of the high school girls worked on weekends and the older workers worked on school days. On school days they would get the school kids up first. The kids that were on the third floor would come down and eat breakfast. On our floor we got ready for school.

It was December 16,1970, and it was a week before Christmas and I was in school. Mrs. Rob said that she had something to tell me but she was going to wait until the next day. When the next day came, she said that she would tell me at the end of the day. So when it was rest time and the other kids were resting, we went into the other room. Then she told me that I was going to be moving the next day and I was shocked. I started to cry and I asked her why and she said that it would be better for me if I got away from Mom because she babied me too much. After we got finished talking, I went to lie down by the door going upstairs. I was so mad at Mrs. Rob. I thought that it was the meanest thing that she could do.

When school was out, I went up and it was suppertime. I told the worker that I was going to move and she said that she heard about it. After I got done eating, I asked if I could go down and talk to Mom and they said that I could. When I went down the cook if Mom was there and she said that Mom had gone home but she would be back later that night.

After the other kids went to bed and the evening worker came on to work, I was asked to go back up to my floor, so I did. When I went up to my floor, I was still in shock that it was going to be my last night at the home, the only home that I had ever known. In my room, I told my friends that I was going to move the next day and that I was going to miss them. I remember wishing that this were a bad dream. I could not believe that this was happening. The home was my whole world. The next day I was going be moving and I just could not believe that. 

When the worker came back from supper break, she told me that they were going to have a going-away party for me. So I went down in the dining room. As I was going down, I was scared. I hoped that God would do something to make it so that I did not have to go. I got to the dining room, and when Mom came I asked her if she knew and she said May had told her and I could tell that she was mad.

There was a worker that went up to the store and bought me a big picture of a boy sitting against a rock holding a tree branch and a deer is looking at him and there are mountains in the background. The worker bought it for me to give to Mom.

After the party was over, I went another room to talk with Mom. We went in one of the bedrooms and she rocked me and she told me that God would take care of me. I thought to myself if God really loved me why did he let Mrs. Rob do this to me. Then Mom sang me a song and it was "God would take care of you." I asked Mom if it didn't work out would God bring me back home and she said she did not know but she told me to be a good boy and do what the people say. Then May came in the room and she said it was time for me to go to bed. I wanted to go on the third floor to see what it looked like because I never went up there so the worker on the third floor took me up there and put me in a crib with another boy. Then I talked to her. Then when she was done in that room, she took me back to my room and they gave me something to help me sleep. I cried some and then I went to sleep but it seemed like I was crying most of the night.

In the morning when the worker came into our room, I asked if Mom was there and she said," yes." I asked if I could go and talk to her and I think that if she had said no, I would have gone anyway. I was so mad at everyone. I When she saw me, she took me in the room again and rocked me. Later someone came and told me it was time to get ready for school. Someone came down and said that my social worker was there to get me so they got some new clothes for me and they helped me get them on. Everyone in school told me goodbye. Then I went upstairs and we went to the lobby and May and Mom gave me a hug and a kiss. Then we went out in the car and took off. That morning was the first time that I got to meet my social worker and she seemed real nice. Her dad came with her it must have been hard on her to take me because I was crying almost all the way there. I asked my social worker what the home was like and she said it was nice people that ran the home.

It took most of the day and when we got there, there was this older lady that met us at the door. She seemed like she was a nice lady. The house had two parts and there was a long hall that we could get from one part to the other. I told that lady how I was and talked to her. Then she took me to the part that I would be in which was a big house upstairs bedrooms were all upstairs.

When I arrived, the other kids were still in school. I was told that they would be back to the house soon Father was there, so I met him. They also had their Christmas tree up but it was not decorated but that when the other kids came home then they would decorate it.

After my social worker talked to the housemother, she came and told me goodbye and said that she or someone from the county would come next week and check on me. After she left, the other kids came home and I got to meet them. As I was meeting the other kids that lived in the house with me, I was thinking about my old roommate in Roseau and I was wondering if Mom was still at the home or did she go back to her house. She had stayed all night at the home, so when I got up she would be there. I was scared and sad. I felt that my whole world was changed and I was not given a chance to get ready for it.  

The first night I asked my roommate to leave the light on because I was afraid of the dark. Then the next night they got us night-lights and they put them in the hallway. At night when we went to bed, I would cry because when I thought about what they were doing back home. Everyday I would pray and ask God if he would make it so I could go back home.

When it was time to eat, we would go to the other building and then on Saturday night when we were done with supper, we would watch TV. There also was a lady that would come in to help out. She would do the laundry and clean and do other things. She also sometimes babysat.

One day I got to meet the house parent's kids and they were real nice. One day one of the girls took me upstairs in the other part of the house. One night when we went to bed, I started to cry and I started to cry louder and scream and the housefather came into my room and told me that if I did not quit crying, I would get into trouble.

On Christmas Eve morning, we slept in and that night there was a party and there were a lot of people that came and it was a lot of fun. I was in a walker so I could get around and I met some new people.

One morning we got up when it was still dark because the housefather was going to take the boys ice fishing and so I had to get up with them because the boys were the ones that helped me up and down stairs. We all went to eat but I was not allowed to go fishing with them. 

Some of the boys were in sports in school so on Saturday the house mom or the housefather would take them to the school. My roommate was one that was in sports. There was one night that the house parents were out for the night so a lady would help come to watch us. We were watching TV and two of the boys started to get into a fight. The lady told them to stop but they wouldn't stop fighting, I was scared and I thought why am I living here? I wanted to go back to Roseau that very moment. Finally, they stopped fighting and later that night my roommate told me that one of the boys got angry quite often.

Our housemother worked in a nursing home and one day she took us all to see where she worked. We got to meet the people there and we had a lot of fun. One day I heard the housemother say that she did not know if I could go to school. So after Christmas they took me to the school talked to the teacher and I guess they did not know if it would work out for me.

I was going to move back to Roseau. So the night before the housefather helped me take a shower and get cleaned up. Then he took me up to my bed and said the Lord's Prayer with me. The next day I told everyone goodbye and my social worker and her dad took me back to the home in Roseau. When I got there they took me down to the school and I was told that they were happy to have me back. 

One of the boys that lived in the home would sit on the floor and throw things. When one of the workers was taking care of kids at the other end of the hall, this boy threw something and it landed in the pail of water that the workers and made a big splash. Had in the room. He could not walk or talk but sometimes he would scream.

They would lock some of the kids in bed with padlocks. On the third floor almost all of them would be tied or locked to the bed. Sometimes when I was in bed they would tie me in too, but most of the time I would stay in bed without being tied. I wanted to move to the first floor but May didn't agree. There was a rocking chair there and sometimes Mom would take me down to first floor and rock me. 

In the spring, our class would have a field trip. Sometimes we would go to the zoo in Winnipeg and see the different animals. Sometimes we would go to the circus. We'd eat cotton candy and get it all over our faces and hands. Mrs. Rob and Mrs. Henry would have to wash us up, but it was fun.

In the summer the desks and the other things were moved back to the big school. We called it the big school because we thought it was so big. When our class would get to go for walks we would go by the big school.

In the summertime when it was raining, we would go downstairs for most of the day. There was a hook on the door and sometimes they would lock us in the playroom.

When it was Mom's birthday, Mrs. Rob went town and bought Mom a gift for me to give to her. After school, she took me over to Mom's house and I had supper with her. Mrs. Rob would take me home for my birthday and sometimes Mom would come too.

One day the fire whistle started to blow and we were wondering where the fire was. The radio announcement said that the fire was at the old house where I lived when I was a baby. It was turned into an apartment and some of the workers from our home. They said that they lost everything. The fire burned almost the entire inside and the ones that lived there lost everything. The town people helped them out and gave them what they needed.

Bill was starting to get sick more often and May and Bill would go out to Arizona. One day we found out May and Bill were going to sell the home we were all sad. Mom had her sewing room up on the floor. One day as I was up there talking to Mom, May came and told me that she loved me and she was going to miss me and everyone. A man that was going to buy the home and one of the workers would run the home until this man could get someone to run the home.

One day in school, Mrs. Rob said that she was not going to come the next year because they didn't know if they were going to continue having school in the home Mrs. Henry had already was asked to go we had some other help before Mrs. Rob got a new helper and her name was Mrs. B. She would be the aide for the teacher that I would have in high school.

Before May and Bill left they had a big party for them at the city hall. We all got to dress. They had already brought all of our desks and chairs and other things back to the public school. A lot of people went to the party. May put together a little book that told everyone how the home got started. After the party May and Bill left and I was real sad to see them go. I guess in some ways I was mad at them for going although I knew that they had to go because Bill was getting sicker.

Pedie Pederson

Living Like A Winner